Term 1 Week 7
The nights draw in. The temperature is more colder than the reception granted to Tom from Akuma if he ever dared venture near a circle. The days are shorter than a toddler with no legs. While still technically autumn, it definitely feels like winter has come. Nevertheless, there is always something that warms the heart of all, which brings joy to their worlds, grants hope to masses and makes the world a better place. And that thing, of course is the match report from Warwick Tennis FC.
The victims this week were PPE. By the old adage that it takes a brave man to wear pink, these men were amongst the bravest in the land: so blindingly pink were their tops that Warwick Sport decided for most of the game that floodlights were not required, despite the late 4pm kick off. Nevertheless, despite the less than optimal conditions, 14 of Warwick Tennis’ finest stepped up to the plate to show the bastards what true passion, desire and footballing ability was, schooling them in the beautiful game throughout. A special shout out must go to Tom De Frajajajajaja, who showed the Latin footwork which only people from Leicester possess to skin his man, and with pirouette which wouldn’t be out of place on Strictly,
earned a second penalty for the season.
The situation required experience, a cool
head, a man with copious experience
playing for Warwick Tennis, a man who
remembers the dark days. Up stepped
Peter Richards, who showed us that his
years with Megan have not dulled his
ability to score, merking their poor
goalkeeper, then standing there laughing
as the poor lad sobbed to himself*
*may or may not have happened like
that, Pete scored though.
After an inspiring half time team talk
reminiscent of Winston Churchill’s “we will fight them on the beaches” speech from our leader, captain, legend, Mr Ryan Argent, the team decided that this was just all too easy, and frankly, bad value for money for the supporters, with Will and Jade looking rather bored on the touchline. Thus, a quick two goals conceded later, and suddenly the match is on a knife edge again. Like every great sporting event, like Nadal vs Federer 2008, no one knows which way the game will go, but suddenly with one more divine intervention by our multi-talented, multi-faceted Tom De Frajajajajajajaja, the match is poised at 2-2. The gaffer made some inspired tactical decisions, and suddenly, we had a free kick, 45 metres out. Central. Up come the defence. Put it in the mixer you might think? Connor had other ideas. Like the grade A moron he is, he decided shooting was the best option. He only managed to swazzz it , straight in, 3-2. (Editor: "massively over-hit cross, poor form from a dead ball situation, 100% fluke, no questions asked".) Their entire team went to be sick, vomiting in disgust at what they had just witnessed. They pushed and pushed, but the only scoring they did was in their own net. 4-2. final whistle. 2nd in the league now, next week, 12pm kick off, against number 1 in the league, Maths Stats, expecting a big crowd, lets get rowdy.
For those of you who didn’t know, Warwick Tennis FC has a very successful drinking club which also partakes in Tennis related activities, and there were many of those activities this week. Here is a quick recap of all that's gone on.
Firstly, socials. It was the annual, bring your own vessel circle this week, and it was a wonderfully magnificent attendance. There were some great vessels bought by almost everyone, though some made questionable decisions in that regard. Bread for example, that foodstuff which people use to absorb soup, was the truly inspired choice of our editor in chief, Mister Oliver Heath. Some of the freshers got a couple of the games right, which is wonderful to see. All in all, another cracking night was had by all.
On Friday, there was pub golf with the second best club who circle regularly near the front of the Copper Rooms. (Ollie, you can fill this in, don’t know what happened).
(Editor: "tbh mate, after 11pm it's anyone's bet. Decent evening though, cheers mixed netball.") #wheresperformancesport
Mixed week for the team this week: Men's 1s shat on Oxford 1s in their first home game 10-2, the 2s kept up their unbeaten form (did someone say promotion party?) and the 3s earned a solid draw against Nottingham 4s. On The Women's side, the 1s lost to Oxford Brookes and the 2s lost to Birmingham. However, Big news for this week! Its Cup week; and to celebrate/drum up support, there will be a charity pizza sale at the home matches this week, which shall be in aid of our charity, Parkinson’s UK. also, keep donating to the just giving page, see the Facebook group for details.
In a week where the best of the best went head to head at the O2 (okay the best of the best who weren’t injured or just playing temporarily shite, I mean
Goffin, really?!) the best of the best went head to head in
another couple of superb social plays this week. For those
who have been feeling that there has been too much of a
pattern to their weeks, Ryan and Annabel mixed it up with
some games new, and some which haven’t been revisited
in a while, harking back to the days of Messrs Matthews
and Maurice, a fun Blast from the past with Old Boys
coming up this weekend.
MatchPlay was a tad fishy this week, with Clement
sporting a rather fashionable set of gills this week, having
appeared to have been attacked by a piranha, stay tuned
for more news on his condition.
So what's on this week? Well, We have social plays
featuring bluff, team cup matches featuring pizza and
comprehensive winning, Meme Circle featuring chat
ranging from moderate to strong, a massive football game featuring a mob of mathematicians who will get mentally broken by tennis, and Old Boys weekend featuring Old Boys Meal at Crawford's second home Voujon Bari on Friday, a mini tennis tournament on Saturday and Skool Dayz on Saturday evening plus much much more.
Look forward to seeing you there.
Your exec xox